


Happier

by starryadora



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Addiction, Alcoholism, Angst, Breakups, F/F, This Is Sad, Toxic Relationship, catradora, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27769948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryadora/pseuds/starryadora
Summary: Warning: contains alcoholism and addiction“ The alcohol was seductive. But it wasn't seductive in a classy,  low-cut dress and red lipstick sort of way. It was more like desperation knocking at the back door. It was like empty glass bottles, runny mascara, and cut up t-shirts in the back of her drawer.”OrA Catradora breakup fic with angst
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 52





	Happier

**Content Warning: ⚠️ alcoholism and addiction**

Don't get Catra wrong; the alcohol was seductive. But it wasn't seductive in a classy,low-cut dress and red lipstick sort of way. It was more like desperation knocking at the back door. It was like empty glass bottles, runny mascara, and cut up t-shirts in the back of her drawer.

It was an illicit affair between the bottle and her lips. It was a party for two and no plus ones allowed. The whiskey was heaven and hell wrapped in a tidy crimson bow.

Catra had tried everything; rehab, Alcoholics Anonymous, exposure therapy...nothing would work. Her friends would worry as she'd assure them behind painted smiles that she was fine.

But she wasn't fine.

Until she met _her_.

One would probably think that Scorpia and Entrapta taking an alcoholic to a bar was counter-productive. Or just plain stupid. But at the time, it made perfect sense. Taking a depressed lesbian to a place with music, lights, and _girls_. Plus, they'd promised to keep a close eye on Catra.

Catra rolled her eyes. She knew her 'babysitters" wouldn't last long. Scorpia was already flirting with some blonde flower chick and Entrapta was hastily explaining some fundamental theory on quantum mechanics to a guy who looked like he'd rather cut off his hand than listen to another minute.

That was when Catra saw _her_.

It was a moment she'd never be able to forget; it looked like something out of a movie. Her eyes were the camera, honing in and zooming out at just the right angle.

A girl about Catra's age, maybe a year or two younger, danced on the floor. She giggled and laughed loudly at some joke the pink-haired, sparkly girl beside her had drunkenly yelled. The taller girl's blonde hair had come loose from its ponytail prison and spilled down her shoulders freckled. She wore a black tank top that kept Catra's attention as the pink and blue lights flashed down on her.

Catra felt her chest tighten; she'd never felt so...drawn to a stranger. But this girl was the epitome of sunshine, and it was a warmth Catra craved. Something she'd never known before.

Suddenly, a boy in a crop top came and whispered something to the pink haired girl. She nodded and smirked as they made their way over to the pool table. Catra was sure that the blonde would follow, but she just kept dancing. She wondered if she ever got tired of it...

"I probably look like such a creep." The brunette said to herself. She'd been staring for quite some time now... Meh, she shrugged it off. At least she wasn't drinking.

It seemed as though Catra's eye wasn't the only one blondie had caught; She watched as a man with a leather jacket approached her. She felt a pit in her stomach. Catra licked her lips...she had a bad feeling.

The man pointed to the bathrooms. Catra couldn't make out what they were saying through the blaring music and the flashing lights, but she saw the girl shake her head and smile in what looked like a polite decline. But the man was persistent. The girl had stopped dancing at this point, and was slowly backing away from him.

Catra didn't know what had possessed her. This girl could probably take him out with one hit, but before she realized it, her legs took her over to the dance floor.

"You about ready to go, babe?" The brunette asked. She'd never been the best actress, but she prayed that she caught on.

The blonde girl looked at her in confusion, then made an 'oh!' expression with her mouth as she caught on. "Yeah, I was wondering where you were! Come on."

The dude eyed Catra, then backed off, creeping off with an annoyed glance.

"You're a life saver." The blonde girl exhaled. "Thanks."

Catra shrugged. "No problem. I'd have done it for anyone." She said, starting to walk off of the mini-stage.

"Wait!" The blue-eyed girl grabbed her hand. Catra felt herself tense up at the feeling, but she didn't dare pull away. She was finally getting a taste of the sunshine.

"You basically saved me." The girl blushed, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. "Can I buy you a drink?"

Catra bit her lip. "I'm uh...actually taking a break from the booze train. Can I buy you one, though?"

"Well, I've never been one to decline free drinks." The girl smiled, not letting go of her hand. "I'm Adora!" She introduced.

"Catra." She smiled, sitting down on one of the barstools. "What do you want to drink?"

"Hmmm...I'm not really a heavy drinker. Anything you recommend?"

"I thought you never declined free drinks." The cat girl raised an eyebrow.

"I've never been offered one." Adora laughed, her shoulders bouncing up and down. Catra felt the air knocked out of her. She was something out of a movie...she belonged on the big screen.

"Well, if you're not really much of a drinker, you should probably start off with something small, like raspberry vodka and sprite."

Her eyes lit up. "You can _do_ that?"

Catra laughed. "You really don't drink much, do you?"

"Just nasty keg beer from college." She shrugged.

"Well, you happen to be speaking to a master..."

The night went on. Catra felt like she was the protagonist in a cheesy indie movie. It was the first time since high school where she'd been surrounded by alcohol and didn't want a drop.

She'd expected tonight to be like being stranded on a raft in the middle of the ocean; dehydrated and surrounded by water she could not drink.

But all she could focus on was Adora's smile.

"Hey...can I get your number?" She asked boldly.

Adora blinked. "Oh...dude, I'm so sorry. I'm not a lesbian."

Catra's eyes widened. She felt her heart stop and face flush in embarrassment. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I just assumed, I'm just gonna-"

"I'm kidding!" She laughed. "I'm totally a lesbian. And my number is already in your back pocket."

"Wha-" Catra asked in confusion, reaching into her back pocket. Sure enough, there was a crumbled up piece of paper with a 10 digits scribbled hastily onto it. "How did you do that?"

Adora giggled. "I have my ways. I gotta get going, but call me sometime!"

And Catra definitely called.

It was a year later.

The memory of that daythey'd met had played over and over in Catra's mind. She couldn't turn off the mental movie; there was no muteor pause button. Just the same film of her and Adora coming together and falling apart.

And to think, there was a point where Catra thought she'd never taste another sip of liquor in her life.

But here she was, laying on her couch and chugging beer from a can. It didn't even taste good, but Catra couldn't stop herself.

She was a wreck. There were tissues strung all over the couch and floor. There were tons of uneaten takeout boxes flung on the coffee table.

It had been 6 months since she and Adora had broke up. 6 painful, heartbreaking months.

The first 2 months, Entrapta and Scorpia wouldn't leave her alone. They'd called and left voice mails and texts; they'd even check on Catra in person. But after realizing she wasn't going to return the calls or answer the door, the texts and random check-ins had slowly diminished.

Catra took a deep breath...she knew she shouldn't torture herself like this, but she had to hear Adora's voice again.

Preparing for a wave of hurt, Catra sighed and took another sip. She pressed the button on her answering machine. She'd had all of Adora's voice messages from when they were still together saved; she played them so much that she could almost mouth them word for word.

" _Hey, babe! What were you thinking for dinner tonight? I'm at the market, and I'm really torn between beef or chicken-"_

Next.

" _Catra! Did you know that there's a horse who's estimated to have lived for like 62 years?! We should get a horse!"_

Next.

" _AHHHHHH! Babe, I dyed my hair pink! Haha, just kidding. It's just hot huez hair chalk! I saved the green for you! Can't wait to see you tonight!"_

Catra smiled through the tears. Those were the good memories...

But the bad had tossed a blanket over all the good.

The falling out was the worst part...it was the part of the movie Catra wished she could skip over. But she couldn't stop rewinding it...

_"I can't believe you!" Adora sobbed._

_"Adora, I-"_

_"Save it!" She cried. The rain poured down on her. It soaked her hair and caused her makeup to run, but Catra still thought she was beautiful._

_The last few months had been nothing but fighting, screaming, arguments, tears, and midnight calls to Glimmer in the bathroom for relationship advice._

_Adora didn't know Catra knew about that last part...but the walls were thin and she was a light sleeper._

_But after every petty argument or huge fight, they always came back together...Always._

_But something had changed this time. One could say that this was the starting point of the fallout; the beginning of the end. Adora had been cleaning their recently shared apartment when she found it: a bottle of Budweiser under the couch._

_She gave Catra the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was DT's or Scorpia's._

_She'd let it go that time. But there were many other times after that one for her to ignore it._

_Finally, the blonde had confronted her girlfriend. After hours of tears and holding each other, Catra promised she'd find help again..._

_But without the alcohol, Catra was bitter. She'd never physically lay a hand on Adora, but her anger was layered in her words. From low blows to sharp insults, Catra and Adora slowly came undone..._

_The rain poured down on the women. The pair stood outside the cafe, ignoring the fact that they were both drenched. After Adora had asked her girlfriend how her new AA meetings were going, Catra had snapped. She couldn't even remember what she had called Adora. She just knew that if she could take it back, she would._

_That was the final straw. Adora had had enough and walked out, Catra on her heels._

_Shakespeare is most credited for his attributions to pathetic fallacy. Pathetic fallacy can be defined as weather features reflecting a certain mood._

_How predictable...a breakup in the rain._

_Catra grabbed her wrist. "Where the fuck are you going?"_

_"Away from you!"_

_"You're being selfish!"_

_Adora paused. For a moment, Catra thought she might burst into another round of sobs, but to her surprise, she was met with laughter. Sharp, bitter laughter that was worse than a stab in the heart._

_"I'm selfish? I'm selfish?! That's funny, Catra, that's really fucking funny considering the fact that I've put my entire life on hold for your well-being! I've put up with your insults, I've put up with your attitude, and I've had it! I'm done! I'm over it!"_

_"So...what? That's it? All this time and money and effort I've put into us and you're just leaving?"_

_"You're toxic!"_

_"Toxic? I'm toxic?! Hell no! I haven't laid a hand on you! You wanna go around telling people I'm toxic or abusive, be my guest! Lying bitch!"_

_"That's what I'm talking about! You're so mean! This whole codependency thing we have going might work for you, but I can't do it anymore...it's about time I start thinking of myself."_

_"I've given you so much!"_

_"I don't want your money or your gifts!" Adora sobbed again. "I wanted you! I wanted your love! But you chose the alcohol over me! You made your choice...I gave you too many chances..."_

_A silence washed over them. Finally, Adora spoke again._

_"I can't do it anymore...your words...they hurt. They're like a slap to the face. And I- I deserve better. And I think we've been over for a long time. Neither of us just had the courage to admit it."_

_The brunette didn't want to admit it. But she was right. They hadn't even been sleeping in the bed together anymore. And dinners had now become a separate affair._

_Catra softened. "Baby-"_

_"Don't call me baby."_

_"Let's just go home."_

_"I'm not going home." She shook her head. "I...I'm gonna take the bus over to Mara's..."_

_Catra watched her as she walked down the sidewalk._

_And just like that, Adora was out of her life for good._

Catra sighed as the memories replayed in her head.

She reached for another can, when she noticed the case was empty.

"FUCK!" She screamed, kicking the coffee table over. The glass over it had cracked, but she didn't care. She had no control.

The rage controlled her; everything felt like a dream. Her entire body felt...red. She grabbed pictures off the walls and threw them onto the floor. She knocked over the couch and nearly busted her tv.

Finally, she reached for her phone. The one she'd been using to stalk Adora's social media for the last two months. Pictures of Adora smiling with friends, bikini pics at the beach, her getting a new puppy...

Catra screamed and threw her phone across the room, slumping against the wall and sobbing. There was no one to blame. No one to yell at or insult except herself...

She hugged her knees as she sobbed, trembling and taking deep breaths. Adora always used to help her when she felt like this...but she had driven the only person in the world who truly loved her away.

And. It. Fucking. Hurt.

Finally, Catra gathered herself. She felt like she was going to be sick between all the beer and crying, but she shoved down the pain in her chest, grabbing a coat, her beanie,and some change for a bus. She couldn't drive like this.

She had to get more beer. She needed it.

The thing no one ever tells you about addiction is the shame. When everyone is watching you and muttering about you and thinks you aren't aware, you are. You fucking are.

They don't understand that it's like watching yourself from a window. That it's like beating on the glass and shouting at yourself to stop. But you just can't.

People who have never had an addiction always find ways to point fingers. They always have something to say about the addict.

But they don't realize that they know. Damnit, the addict fucking _knows_. The addict has heard it all before. And there's nothing you can say to one that they haven't already told themselves when they're alone at night, covered head-to-two in tear-soaked blankets.

Catra used to blame others. She used to blame everyone around her. Friends, family, the people behind the counter selling it to her... But it was her choice. When it comes down to it all, it's the addict's choice.

Catra sighed as she made her way into the grocery store. She kept her head down. She knew people where whispering about her. Making up different versions of her in their heads. She used to let it get to her. She used to be a glass doll at the mercy of their words. But now she was made of steel.

That's when she heard it; that familiar giggle.

No...She must've been hallucinating...she did that sometimes.

But there was that laugh again.

Ears perking up, Catra peered through the shelf and saw her.

It was just like the night they'd met. She had that bright, sunny smile. It was hard to see her through the small hole of the shelf, but Catra felt a bullet through her heart.

Adora had cut her hair. It was shoulder-length and healthy. She wore hoop earrings and it looked like she was talking to someone...

Catra felt every emotion under the sun...but for some reason, she felt... _happy_ for Adora.

As much as she wanted to rush over to her, scoop her up, and apologize for what a dickhole she'd been to her, Catra kept herself planted.

The brunette knew she wasn't good for Adora. Adora could never be happy with her...and she had to accept that.

For a moment, she let herself be transported back to the good days. Holding Adora all night long, waking up at 3am to go on impromptu iHop runs, making fun of each other as they lay behind the couch...

Catra's ears flattened...there was no getting her back. All she could do was remember the past and keep rewatching the same film over and over again...

Catra forgot what she'd come in here for; she turned on her heel to leave when she heard something.

"Catra?"

She froze. No, no, no...this wasn't in the script. This wasn't in the movie! The film was over! The credits had already rolled!

Catra turned around. "A-Adora?"

There was a tall woman beside her holding Adora's hand. That must've been who she'd been talking to...

"Catra! It's...been awhile. It's good to see you. How have you been?"

The cat girl cracked a fake smile. "Pretty good. And you?"

"Never better."

Adora smiled brightly. And that's when Catra knew it: Adora had found herself. After desperately trying to please everyone else, Adora had finally gotten the happily ever after she'd deserved.

The tall purple woman extended her hand. Catra hesitated before shaking it.

"Huntara." She introduced herself.

Catra and shook back firmly. "You been treating my girl right?"

Huntara grinned. "Been doing the best I can. She really should come with a warning label - I tell her to do one thing and she does the exact opposite."

Adora laughed and playfully shoved her. "Oh hush, you're just as stubborn as I am."

"Good." Catra smiled, fixing the beanie on her head. "You'd better treat her right. Because I'm not afraid to get my knuckles bloody for her."

Huntara smiled. "I promise I'll be good to her."

Adora smiled softly. "I'm gonna go checkout. It was nice seeing you again, Catra."

Without warning, the blonde leaned forward and hugged her. Catra was taken aback, but she eventually wrapped her arms around her. She smelled like lavender and vanilla...

When she pulled away, Catra felt her heart break little by little...but it was a good way. Anyone would be honored to have their heart broken by Adora Grayskull.

Adora left. Huntara went to follow her, but Catra stopped her.

"I meant what I said. That one is a keeper. Anyone who gets a chance with her is lucky. Don't blow it like I did. You'll regret it for the rest of your life. So buy her flowers, take her out for those cheesy movies she loves, and just...appreciate her. Do everything I didn't do, you hear me?"

Huntara nodded. "Thanks for the advice. Adora is great..."

“I know.” Catra nodded. That was all she had to say.

She walked out of the store empty handed. Her heart was broken, but that was just proof that it had been loved. Loved by Adora.

Adora was happy...and that was all that mattered.

Some people are meant to be. Sometimes you just meet at the wrong time, in the wrong place.

Catra took the next bus. But she didn't go home. She was going to BrightMoon Rehabilitation Center.

She was gonna do it. For real this time.

Not for Scorpia. Not for Entrapta. Not even for Adora.

But for her.

She handed the bus driver some change. She didn't even care if it was the right amount. She sat next to the window and pressed her head against the glass.

Adora was practically glowing in there.

And as much as Catra wanted her, she knew she'd only hold Adora back from true happiness...

Catra was tried of being selfish; she was tired of her addictions getting the best of her.

So she decided she'd just want her from afar.


End file.
